storm-cloud-dancer:

humans-are-seriously-weird:

Human bodies are strange and sometimes terrifying. A handbook has been constructed that is basically a staple on all ships called “Your Human Is Doing Something Strange But Don’t Panic, It’s Normal”. Here are some excerpts: 

Occasionally a human’s joints will make loud noises akin to popping or cracking. Stay calm, this does not mean that the human has broken a bone. Gases will gather at the joints in a human’s body and when pressure is applied will pop loudly. While unnerving, it has little to no effect on the well-being of a human. 

After they wake and before they sleep humans have a habit of scrubbing the bones protruding from their mouths with a flavored paste. Although it is strange, this habit is very important and the proper supplies should be provided on all ships. If not cared for properly these bones may rot and fall from the skull of the humans and it is an entirely unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

Humans will sometimes experience an irritation or “tickling” sensation in their nose causing them to suddenly expel a large amount of oxygen from their body. This is such a violent process that they must close their eyes to prevent them from popping out of their sockets. It may appear to be painful, but is helpful and many humans actually claim that it is enjoyable and makes them feel much better.

It is recommended that anyone coming into contact with a human familiarize themselves with the many quirks that come with them to avoid future panic.

somethingcuteandwitty.tumblr.com 

Human grooming practices vary from human to human, but many make it a point to be presentable more often than not. Some humans go the extra lightyear and use special substances called ‘make up’. Humans usually apply these chemical mixtures (mainly to their faces) to be more asthetically pleasing. In the hands of professionals this ‘make up’ can dramatically alter your humans appearance. *See reference to ‘monster movie makeup’*

Do not be alarmed if your human spontaneously starts to bleed from their nose. This occurrence does not necessarily mean your human is dying or injured. Unless your human is very young your human will know what to do. Give your human something to catch the blood like a cloth and give them some time to sit quietly.

Though humans are incredibly sturdy they are also very buoyant. Humans will float and even swim in any large bodies of water that do not read as toxic. They even seem to make near drowning into a game by holding their breath under water. Keep a close eye on your swimming human for safety.

Leave a comment