i have autism! i make cool art (like the dandelion dragon pictured above) and love amazing people and i have to do things slantways sometimes
because i live with executive dysfunction. it is the symptom that single handedly disrupts my life The Most
i have, by trial and error, worked out a method for doing Things. i am sharing this method with you because nobody ever told me this stuff and maybe i can save someone from reinventing the wheel
🌱Basic Principles🌱
you are already trying your best
your best is good enough
you are good enough even if you never ever manage to do The Thing
i am already Proud Of You
your limits are real and you aren’t making them up. i believe you. i need you to also believe you
“should” is a dogwhistle for gaslighting yourself. when you say “i should be able to….” that is when you know you have started making decisions for somebody who isn’t you
🌱Step 1: Accept Defeat🌱
“root” i hear you say, “that is the opposite of what i want. this is a shitty method”
well tough titties. if you had all the answers you wouldn’t be reading this guide
The Thing is already insurmountable, too big to look at straight on, too overwhelming, panic-inducingly huge
otherwise you would have done it already
right?
right.
so just start out by accepting that you aren’t going to get it all done today
it’s hard. it gets to be hard. if you could by sheer force of will make yourself able to do the thing, it would already be accomplished. stop trying to Will Yourself Abled and start meeting yourself where you are right now in this moment
it does you no good to make life choices for a person who doesn’t exist, so start living in your own skin
🌱Step 2: Scheme🌱
write out all the steps to complete The Thing
then write out the steps to the steps
then the steps to those steps
this may be an entire days worth of get-up-and-go
it is okay to phone a friend! get help making your road map. my partner and i do this for each other A Lot
🌱Step 3: Bargaining🌱
look at the first steps and decide how much you can reasonably do in a day
now cut that shit in Half
that is your to-do list
🌱Step 4: Half Ass It🌱
if we can be Real Real for a Moment, none of us has whole ass available
that’s fine
whatever portion of ass you have will do
start on your to-do list
my to-do list has to be less than 5 things at all times or my brain short circuits and i can’t manage anything
that’s okay. sometimes you have to sneak up on your brain
🌱Step 5: Stop When Your Body Balks🌱
this is the hardest part because i can 100% guarantee you have not got as much as you wanted to done
stop anyway
if you are getting too confused to think through your task, or too overwhelmed to process input, or too pain, or too brainfog, or the Miasma Of General Distress has crept up and stolen your will to live
stop doing things. rest. drink water. lay down
i have to take 2-3 laying down breaks in an 8 hr day because my body is trash and i must Atone For The Sin Of Being Upright
but here is the thing. when you chronically overextend yourself, as every disabled person i have ever met does, you end up spending more resources recovering than you would simply resting
i don’t care if you’ve done enough! i don’t care if you don’t think you deserve to take a break! i don’t care if your mom’s cousin’s former college roommate Susan has a son with autism who can do your task while hopping on one leg and attending MIT !
don’t care. your body knows what it needs. start listening.
🌱Step 6: Rinse, Repeat🌱
by now, usually, something has gone Horribly Wrong
something unexpected happened, or was harder than you thought, or there were Additional Steps you didn’t count on. you couldn’t find parking, you don’t have the right form filled out, you ran out of trash bags, whatever
that is okay. progress over perfection. now you know the thing
return to the scheming step and scheme some more. go through the process until the thing is Done
🌻Step 6b: The Three Day Rule🌻
i have a rule for myself that runs as follows
“if i have a step i need to do, and i want to do, and i have tried for 3 days and still not done it, then i am not able to do that step unassisted
i need to ask for help or get accommodations for myself to continue”
sometimes that accomodation is supplies (like, i need a stool to sit on to take a shower, etc). sometimes it is moral support (i need somebody to sit with me and talk with me as i write down the list of steps) and sometimes that accomodation is somebody else doing that step for you
for example: i can’t listen to my own voicemails. i have tried every which way. i can’t do it. my best friend listens to them for me. sometimes That Is Just How It Is
here’s the thing though
accomplishing the thing at all is more important than accomplishing the thing the Right Way
even if your work around is silly. that’s fine. this is about making the things you need to do possible for you. not for other people. for you
🌱here is the method to the madness🌱
structure helps a Lot for me, and having a set method to figuring out how to tackle a problem cuts the spoons cost for doing the thing in half
the planning seems tedious at first, but it’s like a trial-run for your brain. going through the mental motions cuts down on the panic later, when you have to Do The Thing
over time, you amass a set of documents (even if theyre just bullet lists) of how to do things, tailored to your specific needs. keep those. slap em somewhere searchable. you can reuse them later
we already don’t have the spoons to get through life. spending extra energy fighting ourselves is miserable and inefficient
in conclusion
i hope this helps at least a little
🌱You Are Already Enough And Whole And Worthy And I Am Proud Of You For Trying And I Am Proud Of You Whether You Manage The Thing Or Not🌱
thisacelovesheadcanons 