As a child I was supremely inspired by science fiction films and made up hundreds of “space aliens” to populate an imaginary galaxy. My brother and I then play-acted adventures set in this fictitious realm.
My parents kept all my drawings; there are dozens upon dozens of pages, each populated with multitudes of aliens, complete with descriptions of every species and character.
Earlier this year I started putting together a portfolio of zany “trope” aliens, with the hopes of getting a gig designing aliens for a popular animated show. (Guess which?)
Instead of designing things from scratch, I decided re-draw ten characters from my childhood. Here they are, complete with original drawings and vitally-important attributes and descriptions.
Tri-Bots (1992) – Actually a lego-like colony of semi-organic robots. – Head robot gets to be the brain. – If decapitated, they play a form of robotic “rock paper scissors” to elect the new leader.
Meta-Snake (1992-3?) – Not a real snake, but a trans-dimensional entity that can slip between parallel universes. – Glowing jaws help Meta-Snake open up portals between worlds. – Its face is a fake face; Meta-Snake’s actual eyes are the pore-like things between its body segments. – A sardonic character; refers to itself in the third person and speaks in riddles. – Occasionally speaks backwards because it has a different concept of time. – Can grant wishes, alter the universe and save you from the most dangerous situations… but can you really trust it?
Ogrenas (1995) – A scary-looking insect-reptile with a heart of gold. – Misunderstood and shunned, actually very kind and harmless. – Its species lives in big hives; glowing eyes can project holograms. – Scary teeth evolved to gnaw on the bark of giant trees. – Ogrenas is an asexual drone; has no passions and as a result is very naive. – No one has seen the queen of Ogrenas’ species. – Glands on its chest secrete a clear goo that Ogrenas must rub all over its body to avoid sunburn. Other species covet this goo as a valuable drug.
Sirian [Ikmash] (1995) – Very intelligent fellow, but devoid of feelings. – Gets a sadistic streak sometimes. – The classic grey alien but also a bit like a cat. – Lonely last member of a once-proud master race; vain and pompous personality. – Makes inappropriate advances to women of all and any species he meets, particular to brunettes. – Listed as a sex offender in twelve star systems. – Operates machines light-years beyond human technology. Can turn light into matter. Once travelled to Earth and met Nikola Tesla.
The Sultis Megadon Monster (1995) – From the same planet as Ogrenas (see above). – A predatory animal with a hollow head, people can get in via a door-like flap behind its jaws and drive it around like a car. – Controls inside look like tentacles, pustules and glands, you must tug at them. – If you crash into someone the Sultis Megadon Monster eats them. – If two Sultis Megadon crash head on, the larger eats the smaller. – If they are the same size, they start mating.
Veridian (1996) – Cryptic and shy intelligent species, comes in many varieties with different head-frills. – Their planet is full of snakes! – Scared of open places and doesn’t like being touched. – Will sting you to death with its extremely pointed jaw, but does not want confrontation. – Has no vocal cords, talks by shaking its elaborate, winged tail rattle.
Voidian (1996) – Friendly but annoying frog character. – Makes bad jokes and talks too much, but ultimately harmless. – Has the annoying habit of jumping on people to startle them. – His attention-hungry behaviour is a result of soul-gnawing lack of self-confidence. – Its race once lived on trees, but have now been banished to a network of caves.
Pudd (1997) – Cryptic member of a mollusk-spider race where everyone calls themselves “Pudd”. – In fact that’s the only word they can speak. – They actually communicate with a very sophisticated sign language performed by their top four limbs. – Shy characters; only want to play with strange devices they build in trees. – Scary claws help them climb enormous redwoods. Not predators. – Skip on the ground from tree to tree on well-developed monopod. – Hermaphrodites: Both lovers get pregnant when they make out. – Pale spigot on body squirts a kind of defensive ink. – Salt works like a dangerous drug on them; Pudd will crave it even as it kills them.
VIXON (1997) – A gregarious and boisterous space merchant of an unknown race. – Travels in a flashy spaceship that has many bright lights and chrome polish. – Enjoys giving people an awkward time. – Fun to hang out with but he WILL swindle you if you give him the chance. – Has glowing tonsils as a result of space herpes infection. – Every arm has a testicle and an ejaculatory pipe that Vixon uses in place of a thumb and forefinger… -… except the third pair, which has ovaries and other female genitals. But Vixon can’t get pregnant from himself. – The ratio of male / female genitals on this species’ hands varies from individual to individual and determines their personality. All-dick-hands are alpha males, all-vagina-hands are flaming femmes, and so on.
Snirfle (1997) – Very smart dude, can hack any device. – From a backwoods planet; got where she is by sheer hard work. – Her hands are only used for grooming; Snirfle uses her triple proboscii to type on computers. – Can digest almost any type of food; prone to binge-eating, keep food away from her! – Secretly fed up and frustrated by others taking her for granted. – Sings when no one is looking.
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