Tag: for angel

prayforjensen:

peachsllk:

bubblegum-beach:

marauders4evr:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

regularlyerratic:

zaubermauz:

haveabiscxitpotter:

our-hideout-world:

“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.” 

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

“He had not been this close to Malfoy since he had watched him muttering to Crabbe and Goyle during Dumbledore’s speech about Cedric. He could feel a kind of ringing in his ears. His hand gripped his dick under his robes”

LOL dark-blueeeee

“My dick.” Said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two, and the tip was dangling limply, held on by only a few spare splinters.

I’ve got this…

“Twelve and a quarter inches…pleasantly springy. It’s in fine condition…You treat it regularly?“

“Polished it last night,” said Cedric, grinning.

Harry looked down at his own dick. He could see finger marks all over it.

He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it.

Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look, and he desisted.

“No volunteers?” said Voldemort. “Let’s see…Lucius, I see no reason for you to have a dick anymore.”

Lucius Malfoy look up. His skin appeared yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

“My Lord?”

“Your dick, Lucius. I require your dick.”

PFFFFF HAHA

“Your dick, Lucius. I require your dick.”

scanlan:

enemy npc, about to kill the party’s bard: any last words?

bard: hold up. hold up just hold on a second.

enemy npc: what?

bard: you’re going to kill me with THAT stance? that arm positioning?

enemy npc: …yes?

bard: at least let me die with dignity! your form is terrible, and you look like you’ve never seen a sword before, much less USE one.

enemy npc, seething: HOW DARE YOU INSUL-

bard: please. please, i beg of you. my soul will know no peace if i die by such an amateur. hand me your sword so i can provide an example of how to do it correctly.

the party, in the back, in disbelief: holy Shit

the dm, in their head: this fucking dude

enemy npc: ex..cuse me?

bard: let me so you the proper form to hold that sword, and i will let you kill me. it’s all that i ask. it’s such a simple request, and it will benefit you greatly in both your technique and the fact that i will be dead.

the dm: Yeah Im Uh, Gonna Need You To Roll Persuasion

bard, ooc: *rolls* alright, i rolled a 19

the dm: hhhhmmmmm :/ okay, i dont think-

bard, ooc: PLUS my persuasion proficiency modifier so…30 😀

the dm: …D u d e.

bard, ooc: :DDD

the dm: they look at you for a moment, sigh, and then hand out their sword for you to grab, and say “fine. make it quick.”

bard, ooc: i say “thank you very much! now, the best way to do it…is…like this!” and i lunge at them and kill them with their own sword.

the dm: aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKING!

the party: *loud, raucous cheering*

the dm: ROLL ATTACK WITH ADVANTAGE BECAUSE THEY LET THEIR GUARD DOWN I G U E S S

bard, ooc: *rolls*

bard, ooc:

bard, ooc: 😀

the dm: you Didn’t

bard, ooc: natural 20 :DDD

the party: *just Screaming*

the dm: i dont. i don’t even need you to roll damage, just…

the dm: how do you wanna do this?

the party: *even louder, raucous cheering and screaming. the rogue has to lean onto the barbarian so he doesn’t fall over from laughter. the druid DOES fall over and that makes the fighter laugh louder. the dm has his face in his hands and is groaning about an hour long boss fight being cut down to two minutes because he just HAD to make the boss a dramatic perfectionist. the cleric in character has to use the inspiration the bard gave her earlier so that she doesn’t break concentration on a spell from laughing too hard. the bard is later found dead in miami.*

staganddragon:

prince-sirius:

I’ve seen a handful of AUs where Harry is deaf and I love it but it also makes me laugh because I just imagine Tom Riddle monologuing in the Chamber of Secrets and finally turning to a confused Harry who just signs “I’m deaf” and Tom is just like ??????

Voldemort isn’t present Harry’s 3rd year because his spirit is too busy learning sign language because god forbid he can’t monologue to Harry Potter come 4th year when he finally has a body.

Oh my god,