Human bodies are strange and sometimes terrifying. A handbook has been constructed that is basically a staple on all ships called “Your Human Is Doing Something Strange But Don’t Panic, It’s Normal”. Here are some excerpts:
Occasionally a human’s joints will make loud noises akin to popping or cracking. Stay calm, this does not mean that the human has broken a bone. Gases will gather at the joints in a human’s body and when pressure is applied will pop loudly. While unnerving, it has little to no effect on the well-being of a human.
After they wake and before they sleep humans have a habit of scrubbing the bones protruding from their mouths with a flavored paste. Although it is strange, this habit is very important and the proper supplies should be provided on all ships. If not cared for properly these bones may rot and fall from the skull of the humans and it is an entirely unpleasant experience for everyone involved.
Humans will sometimes experience an irritation or “tickling” sensation in their nose causing them to suddenly expel a large amount of oxygen from their body. This is such a violent process that they must close their eyes to prevent them from popping out of their sockets. It may appear to be painful, but is helpful and many humans actually claim that it is enjoyable and makes them feel much better.
It is recommended that anyone coming into contact with a human familiarize themselves with the many quirks that come with them to avoid future panic.
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Human grooming practices vary from human to human, but many make it a point to be presentable more often than not. Some humans go the extra lightyear and use special substances called ‘make up’. Humans usually apply these chemical mixtures (mainly to their faces) to be more asthetically pleasing. In the hands of professionals this ‘make up’ can dramatically alter your humans appearance. *See reference to ‘monster movie makeup’*
Do not be alarmed if your human spontaneously starts to bleed from their nose. This occurrence does not necessarily mean your human is dying or injured. Unless your human is very young your human will know what to do. Give your human something to catch the blood like a cloth and give them some time to sit quietly.
Though humans are incredibly sturdy they are also very buoyant. Humans will float and even swim in any large bodies of water that do not read as toxic. They even seem to make near drowning into a game by holding their breath under water. Keep a close eye on your swimming human for safety.
so you know how the ‘a certain point of view’ novel posits that yoda wanted to train leia instead of luke… that could have been an interesting movie too
why does anyone in Gotham even bother doing crime like you KNOW the second you leave the bank with the money you just stole Bruce Wayne is gonna be chilling on a bench on the other side of the street in his bat fursuit like “hey bitch u better not be breaking the law”
because batman never bothered attacking the roots of social problems
you know what… you’re right call him out!!
Wayne Enterprises has a jobs program for those who are fresh out of prison.
He routinely takes major villains with mental health issues to an asylum where professionals are there to help.
Or do you just read the fight scenes?
Because
Batman
Never
Bothered
Attacking
The
Roots
Of
Social
Problems
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BATMAN HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING?
Fake geeks, I swear to god…
The best part is that most of the lore, especially Batman: The Animated Series, gets to a point in Batman’s career when everyone asks the question of why someone would rob a bank in Gotham when they know that if they approached Batman, and coincidentally Bruce Wayne, they could get the help they needed.
That’s the whole point of Batman. Granted there have been modernized adaptations that paint him out to be nothing more than a growling, punching, antihero. But nobody ever said those adaptations were canon or even good. The original Batman comics, most of the newer comics, the Animated Series, the animated spinoffs, even the Arkham video games all operate under the lore that Batman does everything within his power to help as many villains as he can, even if it means going against cops, politicians, etc. That’s what originally made him the vigilante. He went against the social norms. He did everything that a hero shouldn’t do, not in a murderous way, but in a taking-sides way. Every other hero swoops in to save the corrupt politician from the criminal. Batman swoops in to save the criminal from the corrupt politician.
Batman and Bruce Wayne are the hero(s) the world needs, but certainly doesn’t deserve.
thisacelovesheadcanons 