Insider? I hardly know her!

yourplayersaidwhat:

Playing the Strange Aeons Pathfinder adventure path, the PC’s are amnesiacs having just woken up from a dream where they were slaughtered one by one by a nightmarish knife wielding man, finding themselves captive in some sort of mad hospital where they’ve been experimented on by doppelganger doctors.

The Ratfolk Witch has had several key internal organs replaced with Bags of Holding that mimic their function.

Shortly after awakening in her cell she coughs and hacks up a small winged being that turns out to be somebody’s familiar from the bag of holding that replaced her lungs.

The Dragon: “Before I woke I had the strangest dream… All of you were there.” *Glancing to the smaller creature.* “But I don’t remember you.”

The Familiar: “‘Cause I’m an Outsider. I don’t sleep.”

The Kobold: “No no no, is not outsider! Is insider! Came up in neck and went outside. Is insider, not outsider.”

persverso:

the universe: okay, you’re a human. I gave you free will and a conscious mind, so you’re free to do whatever you want. So what do you wanna do?

human: GO FAST

the universe: well, you’re a perfect pursuit predator but if that’s the way you want to evolve, go ahead.

human, climbing on a horse: GO FAST

the universe: wait what

human, inventing the carriage, the car and the bullet train: GO FASTER

the universe: I IMPLORE YOU TO STOP

human, trying to figure out lightspeed travel: FAS T ER

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xekstrin:

disgustinganimals:

hookteeth:

Jurassic Park: Reeves’s Pheasant Edition

dinosaurs didn’t all go extinct. some of them survived and evolved into that group of jerks who hog the whole sidewalk and won’t adjust formation for other pedestrians

at first I was like “wow thats a lot of birds” AND THEN THEY TURNED AROUND

junkrat-the-junker-rat:

thatgirlonstage:

kaycxpher:

the road to el dorado when in the context of a d&d game is the most astounding and hellish streak of 1′s and 20′s

“The people think that you’re gods, what do you do?”

“…we go along with it.”

“Roll performance.”

“…I got a one.”

“Your foot gets caught in the stirrup while you try to dismount from the horse. You look ridiculous.”

“Well I rolled a twenty.”

“…somehow, a volcano stops erupting on your cue. Everyone falls to their knees in awe.”

“I roll to come up with an escape plan” 

“Alright roll”

“…I got a one”

“I try to convince the horse to break us out”

“Roll…animal handling?”

“I got a twenty”