Before Steven was born Amethyst used to say ‘fuck’ all the time & so when he was a baby Greg had to sit her down and explain that she has to stop swearing around Steven because he’s young & impressionable
So Amethyst is like “but that’s my favourite word, when will be stop being young & impressionable so I can say it again??”
And Greg is like “uhh I don’t know, 15 I guess? 15 is probably old enough”
“Got it”
flash forward to Steven’s fifteenth birthday and he is woken at dawn by Amethyst yelling “wake the FUCK up Steven it’s FUCKING TIME”
& he spends the entire day losing his mind
Steven: w-what’s happening
Garnet: *deadpan* Amethyst just got her favourite word back
Amethyst: *running around the house* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Greg: what’s going on
Amethyst: you said once Steven was 15 I could say fuck again
Greg, who only hazily recalls the conversation in question: ……i DID?
Amethyst: *runs outside* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK *distant sounds of spooked birds*
Pearl: Steven the *whispering* F-word is a bad word that Amethyst USED to say before-
Steven: I know what fuck means Pearl
Amethyst: *stopping dead in her tracks* WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT??
Pearl: who taught you that word mister!!
Steven: um… Lars and Sadie… *mumbling* five years ago…
Amethyst: I’ve been denying myself my favourite word for FIVE YEARS for NOTHING??
Greg: uh even if he knows what it means it’s still not really appropriate for you t-
Rainbow capitalism is a cheap marketing tactic and Oreos posted an ace pride graphic but since corporate acknowledgement of asexuality is still so new I’m taken back by it every time
And honestly probably will buy some and through the following week when I hear yet another story about how fascists are in power in America I’ll have a cookie and think about how little, pointless things give hope.
wait, wHAT?!
They aren’t donating to charity so it’s not like I’m gonna rush out and buy some but still it feels nice to be seen in places I’d never suspect.
Penguin falls down resulting in best sound ever [x]
oh my god
NOOOOOOO
they all gasped like OHHH
IM CRYING IM PHYSICALLY CRYING HE FALLS AND THERE ALL LIKE WHAAAAWHOA U OK BRO AND HE GETS UP LIKE *SIGH* YEAH ITS FINE
Having a bad day? push play, and within six seconds all you will feel is tears of laughter streaming down your face and the stomach cramps of laughing too hard.
This is one of the finest things ever captured on film.
The wizard realized that it was finally time to take on an assistant to help him with his practice. Someone to pass down his arcane secrets after he is gone. Someone with a youthful perspective on the world, not saddled with the weight of experience. Most importantly, someone to do the heavy lifting. He won’t be around forever, after all – one backfired spell and his centuries of work would be lost. The incident with the elixir of youth had been an unpleasant reminder of his own fallibility. True, it had worked as intended, but he had somewhat underestimated its potency.
But why choose an apprentice with an eyepatch?
Easy. He figured the loss of one eye would make him more cautious about losing the other. Great wizards have had their careers destroyed by foolishly foregoing safety goggles while brewing noxious potions.
True. But also should he lose the other eye after learning enough he might forgo caution and dabble in other forms of ‘seeing’.
Perhaps, but then he will be under the tutelage of a great wizard who can oversee his dabbling.
And anyway, the eyepatch makes him look tougher, which partially compensates for his mild temperament. Young people these days are such sensitive snowflakes.
thisacelovesheadcanons 