From the Intergalactic Journal of Biology and Mechanics
During the solar cycle of 14456 a replication study was
conducted by our scientists on the Intergalactic Congress Laboratory. The study
attempted to replicate an experiment from a previously published human study.
The results were a conclusive replication indicating that the human mouth
contains up to 200 species of microorganisms at a concentration of 1,000 to 1
billion on each dental protrusion (tooth).
Despite their out world classification as a class A-1
predator, on their own planet they meet a low classification of a D-8 predator or
a B-2 when factoring in their intelligence. For this reason, on their own
planet, the humans are not considered to be venomous despite the need for
immediate hospitalization upon receiving a bite from their own species.
Off planet their nature as an A-1 apex predator gives them a
subclass of a G-6 venom predator. Though their saliva is not dangerous when in
contact with open skin or carapace, immediate medical attention is required if
bitten or spit on. Areas of danger include the eyes nose mouth, or any other orifice
that allows access to the nervous system.
Additional literature on the subject indicates that
bacterial presence is used as a catalyst for breaking down food in the mouth.
Other bacteria exists within the gut to help with food processing. Without
bacterial assistance, food processing would be almost impossible for a human.
The nature of this mutualism inoculates the human against most off-world diseases.
A cautionary note: Species from the Gamma four sector are
advised to keep clear of humans all together as they are particularly susceptible
to human venom*.
*All non-human species are advised to avoid calling humans “Venomous”
as it may be seen as an insult. Humans do not see themselves as a particular
danger to others in this way.
At any other time, Krill might have been worried about their
present predicament, but after months of shenanigans with the humans including
almost dying more than once, the situation they were in now was almost
laughable.
Once again human reckless stupidity had brought them to
their knees before an angry group of Burg. Perhaps they would have made it out
alive if the “sass” of the Captain hadn’t inadvertently offended the leader of
the ship; an offence, which punishment was immediate execution.
Eddie’s ex girlfriend is lovely and all, but she deserves that really sweet doctor she met, who just wanted to help Eddie and was never an asshole to him.
I am firmly behind Venom and Eddie going on a double date with them but I disagree with Sony’s little no homo “we’ll get her back” line.
Sony is usually garbage at making movies, but it at least tries its best to make that sweet money, and I’m telling you execs at Sony, 2018, and whatever year you release the next movie, monster fucking is the new hip trend for kids these days.
You go all the fuck in next time, no dancing around the obvious symbiote Brock love fest in the room.
It’s what Tom Hardy wants, it’s what the people want, for once in your life, give the people what they want and go balls to the wall.
If Deadpool can do it, and be defiant of marvel’s LGBT erasure, then venom can do it, let’s go.
My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”
I’m sorry?
That’s a challenge.
Oreos aquired.
I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first
But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package
She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies
And find a new hiding spot
Hehehe
They up there
Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available
Now to hide them right under her nose
She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face
Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing
Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on
I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos
Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years
🙂
Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here
You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!
Then a devious idea struck me…
I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…
And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall
If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart
This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for
You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment
Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left
Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there
Oh, guess I should put this back up
Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.
But then I looked again. They dooooo
Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y’all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop
the level of chaotic gay energy the McElroys are able to accurately convey in their queer characters despite being straight cisgender men is… genuinely astonishing and really should raise the bar for literally all other straight creators tbqh
like they really hit a commendable sweet spot of “I understand the gravity of representsting marginalized identities that are not my own” and “this is just another character” that really Works for me as a queer listener? because there is that sensitivity and making sure that identities are explicitly stated and treated with respect, while recognizing that it’s not really their place to tell a story About being queer. Griffin, Justin, and Travis all make clear that Lup, Taako, and Aubrey’s hardships do NOT stem from their identities, and it’s so refreshing because 1.) I don’t need background homo/transphobia in my fantasy, thanks and 2.) I especially don’t need those issues being used as plot pieces by straight dudes, thanks.
and that’s just like… never the case. it’s always “oh, she’s trans, and also the biggest badass in this game.” “yeah, he’s gay and dating the grim reaper, but also he’s about to turn into a t. rex so buckle up.” “she’s bi but more importantly she’s about to set a lot of things on fire.” it’s like… literally what I as a queer consumer want to see in my genre and the McElroys deliver like it’s no big.
thisacelovesheadcanons 