Severus and Cat headcanons?

doodlebat:

A cat and her Sev:

-Mrs. Fluffybottom was an admittedly unattractive cat

– She’s gangly and thin with little grace and one long canine that sticks out past her lips. There’s a mean look in her eye, but that’s mainly just the way her brow was formed

-But her coat is long and silky black and her eyes are a rich orange. Her purr is loud and comforting and she’s always mindful of her claws

-Her owner is just as long and gangly as her, but with much more grace. He’s her favourite human and often tries to get away with being on his lap as often as possible. He is the best at petting her and always knows where her spots are. Shame he always smells like potions as she has to rub up against him often to get him to smell more like her

-Fluffybottom is the only creature in the world that Severus trusts enough to let go of his guard. She’s soothing and attentive, always gently kneading him on the belly when he’s sad or purring against him when he’s in pain. It’s as if she knows him best

– Severus has a hard time sleeping at night, but Fluffybottom has learned she can help by laying against his back and giving him her best purrs. She doesn’t stop even when she hears him breathing deeply, asleep at last.

-There’s a loose string on the hem of his robe, it’s the new enemy in the dungeons and Fluffybottom has vowed to vanquish it. The curious murmurs of Severus’ potions class when he walks in without his large cape annoys him. Fluffybottom made it too hard to walk normally with her constantly pouncing on him so he had to leave it behind.

-Fluffybottom does not like any students save for Ms. Granger, but that is only because she smells like her orange friend Crookshanks. 

-Professor McGonagall is her second favourite human, followed by Filch

-There is a night where her human is stressed and he’s pacing his chamber incessantly. She’s learned years ago not to cross in front of his moving feet so instead she waits for him to stop.

He’s sad again and when he picks her up to hold her, he tells her he loves her and that he’ll ensure she’s well taken care of once he’s gone

-Fluffybottom does not understand this until the next night when her human does not come home.

-It’s been weeks. It’s been months. And though Minerva is sweet and doting on her, Fluffybottom is no longer happy. She sleeps by the door now so that she doesn’t miss when her human comes back.

-The boy with the glasses is making a ruckus, talking too loudly and waving his arms too much. She ignores him

-There was a reason her human didn’t like this boy and now she sees why. He’s irritating. And he keeps visiting…only now there’s a scent to him, a new one. A scent that makes her nose twitch and her tail excitedly high. She meows and rubs and kneads at this boy. Where is he? Where is her human? Is he in his pocket? She’s seen wizards shrink things before so it’s not impossible. 

-Minerva says something and the next thing Fluffybottom knew was that she was being picked up and carried away. 

-She’s gently put down on the floor of a new strange house and she wants to explore it, find it’s new scents and mark them as her own, but there’s a cough upstairs and she knows that voice too well to ignore it. 

-Fluffybottom bounds up the stairs two at a time, listening and smelling around until she finds it. She finds him.

-With a loud chitter and excited tail swish, she hops on the bed to her human and immediately kneads him, yelling excitedly and unable to keep still

-Her human doesn’t look well and there’s a large bandage on his neck but he’s here, he’s back and he’s petting her again and if she didn’t know him better, she could have sworn she saw him cry. 

-She lays on his belly that night and when she hears him curse in pain, she does what she does best

She curls up close to his neck on the pillow and purrs and purrs and purrs

lesbicasentimental:

paper-mario-wiki:

lukehemminngs:

you’ve all heard of golden retriever’s now get ready for 

Golden Shepherd – a mix breed between a German Shepherd and a Golden Retriever 

image

“Golden Shepard” is a weird way to spell “Perfect Little Boy Who Has Stolen My Heart And Granted Me Peace”

MY HEART

mcnerds:

bright-coat-and-bravado:

grawly:

tumbledore-:

the future is now

what the fuck. what the fuck how. how the hell.

“how the hell” is the fact that flight paths are ENTIRELY PRE-PROGRAMMED AND SCHEDULED. This is trivial.

“Technology has gotten so precise that it is possible to sync the image on an enormous video screen with the movements of an actual, real life, giant flying machine carrying hundreds of human beings thousands of meters up into the air. This is trivial.”

lets-talk-about-sects:

violentfutches:

malcolmcooks:

animate-mush:

violentfutches:

so a tourist in Italy is fulfilling her lifelong dream of seeing the birth of venus, her fave painting, in person. and while she’s there a Hot Girl strikes up a conversation with her and she loves art and is charming and they talk until the museum closes. they exchange numbers. the next day the birth of Venus painting is stolen, nobody knows who stole it. so anyways, the two girls continue dating and are happy and shit? and on their one year anniversary her girlfriend reveals that she’s an international art thief and she stole the birth of venus after meeting her. tourist girl flips and wants it returned she doesn’t want to just. hoard the art so nobody can see it. so then art thief has to do a reverse heist where she sneaks the painting back into the museum without getting caught

Bear in mind that the Birth of Venus is like 15 feet tall and 30 feet wide…

why would you have to do a reverse heist instead of like
thouroughly cleaning it of fingerprints, DNA and other trace evidence and then just quietly dropping it off round the back underneath a tarp and a note attached

because she’s gay and loves drama don’t ever question me again

Botticelli would have wanted this and you know it