apostatively:

Just imagining Lup taking it upon herself to publish Taako and Kravitz’s wedding announcement in the fantasy newspapers and wording the whole thing as an obituary.

“Taako (from TV) the Wizard has succumbed to the sweet embrace of the Grim Reaper. He is preceded in death by his sister Lup Bluejeans and her husband Barold. There were no survivors. Services will be held on [X Date] at 4:00 PM, visitation to follow. BYOB.”

A flattering yet somber picture of the happy couple accompanies the article. Ren’s office is flooded with panicked inquiries. Nothing published is technically untrue. Lup has out-gothed herself. Barry rushes in for a high-five.

an incomplete list of taz characters ranked by most to least goth

anonymousalchemist:

Barry Bluejeans — necromancer, acts Spooky at Every Opportunity, offers to kill himself to hold his spectral gf, murders a bunch of gerblins in cold blood, becomes a reaper, wears jeans constantly despite everyones judgment and defying everyones judgment is the most goth thing of all. 

Kravitz — dramatic, reaper, wears Slick Suits, a bone man. Carries raven feathers in his pockets. Very Goth. 

Lup — literally a lich. makes a vore umbrella. i dont know whether that counts for or against her. 

John Vore — Nihilism is pretty goth but he gets points off for the vore. This is the only reason he’s below lup. also being a motivational speaker is un-goth. 

Sloane — not really all that goth but going by “the raven” is pretty goth. so is robbing banks. and having a girlfriend is VERY goth. unfortunately, becoming a druid is not goth at all although that is sick as hell. 

Julia Burnsides — rises from the depth of fridgedom to become Completely Fuckin Beloved, and i’d argue that sorta resurrection from the Metaphorical Dead is Pretty Goth. also lives in a cabin above a sea of dead souls. very goth. 

Lucretia — Very Dramatic, nearly dramatic enough to be Goth. Most of her actions aren’t goth but ARE goth adjacent. 

Taako — having an umbrella that holds the soul of ur spectral sister is pretty goth and so is dating a reaper but tbh other than that he’s not goth at all. he only gets a little bit of goth by association. 

Johann — not goth but kind of emo. so, goth adjacent. 

Merle Highchurch — doubting your religion is sort of goth and so is getting killed a bunch while talking to a vore man but teaching teens is very not goth and also plant fetish is so not goth that merle isn’t any higher on this list 

Ango Mcdango — calling ur mentor out on his bullshit? very goth. being a sweet young man? very very very un-goth. too pure to be any higher on this list. 

Magnus Burnsides — literally nothing about this man is goth at all.