Tag: taz

youhearstatic:

agentcricket-art:

*john mulaney voice* That’s! My! Wife!

I’d just like to thank Griffin McElroy for catering to me personally and my extreme love of pirates and beefy orc ladies with this latest taz liveshow.

[Start description: Orla, an orc woman with long grey hair pulled up in a swirl on top of her head and then trailing down over her shoulder, stands on a dock with shimmering water behind her. She is holding a cannon barrel standing on end beside her with her other hand on her hip. She has dark green skin, two upright jutting tusks one of which is broken, and an eyepatch. She wears a white shirt open to the waist under a long pirate style coat, brown pants, and knee high black boots. End description.]

Okay like holy fuck I really want an au where taako remembers early, like if the suffering game ended differently, he became a lich earlier, or instead of pringles sneaking into lucretias’s office it’s taako and he drinks the voidfish juice its such a fucking cool idea

anonymousalchemist:

anonymousalchemist:

oh darling i hate you, i have other things to be writing/editing, but god damn if this isn’t a good concept. so here’s some stuff….inspired by that. 

# 

“Where’d he go?” Magnus asks, staring at the space above Captain Captain Bane’s corpse.

“No fuckin’ idea, my man,” Taako’s mouth says, and nobody but Taako knows that it’s not Taako talking, but the Red Robe. Taako really wishes he could tell them, that uh, hey guys, it’s the Red Robe right here, taking over cha’boy’s whole just everything, but Spooky McSpookerson here is awful good at imitating Taako’s cadence, at keeping an iron grip on Taako’s whole mental thing.

Sorry Taako, Asshole Ghostface thinks. S’just for a bit, I just gotta get on the moonbase.

Get out of here! Taako thinks. This body is! One! Boy! Only!

I’ll be out of here in a bit, Jerkwad Bodysnatcher promises. Just gotta pick something up.

Taako ain’t no fool, he knows you can’t trust liches.

Su-ure he thinks, all sarcastic as the Red Robe makes Taako follow his boys back to their transport back to the base. Su-ure I can trust you.

#

Dickweed Fuckrobe makes Taako drink the weird juice from the tank on the Director’s desk and oh fuck, Taako really can trust liches.

Hey Barry what the fuck, Taako thinks, staring at the baby voidfish that’s materialized (what the fuck, Fisher had a kid? Fisher could reproduce?!) on the table, thoughts all banana blitzed blenderized, because that’s a hundred years of history, that’s his sister, that’s a mission and a life and a—

Don’t push yourself, Barry thinks, and now Taako remembers that Barry Bluejeans and the Red Robe are one and the same, that Barry Bluejeans is his brother-in-law-best-friend, You’ll scramble your neurons if you push it.

Fuck my neurons, Taako thinks savagely, because there’s Magnus-Merle-Davenport-Lucretia, there’s Lup like a staccato hammerfall in his brain, how dare Luce get rid of his sister, oh gods its like a whole gaping hole that he never noticed now filled, he always had her, and he’s so angry that his hands are shaking, the umbrella in his grip getting hot.

Okay, Barry thinks, all careful. Okay, well, I don’t have a spare body for you, bud, so maybe don’t do that? Also, I’m gonna get us out of here, okay?

Whatever, Taako thinks, cause he’s all preoccupied with losing his mind, and out of all the people he knows who are fond of possession, he trusts Barry the most. Lup would always draw on his face.

#

They run into Lucretia on the way out.

She doesn’t stand a chance against the two of them, and they blast their way out of the moonbase.

“I’ll explain everything later!” Taako yells on the way out to Maggie and Merle. “Maybe!”

#

“So this is Lup’s umbrella,” Barry says.

“And it was on her skeleton,” Taako confirms.

“And it’s supposed to vore magic…”

Taako looks at Barry’s skull. Presumably Barry’s skull looks back. He shrugs his red-clad shoulders. Taako rolls his eyes.

“Only one way to find out,” he says, and breaks the umbra staff over his knee.

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!” Lup yells, coalescing out of the crack, phantasmal and resplendent.

next day reblog with some fun facts: 

  • magnus and merle are very worried about taako! he just fuckin left!!!
  • lucretia is claiming that taako is possessed by a red robe which is technically true and internally like “shitshitshitshit taako and barry are after me” 
  • barry is going to explain wonderland to lup and taako and theyre gonna yell at him cause we TOLD you the animus bell was a BAD IDEA barold. 
  • they hear that magnus and merle are gonna be sent to wonderland and decide to intercept: time for a lich-off! 
  • i dont know what else happens. 

transmerle:

honestly merle engaging with pan and the whole pan faith in maybe unconventional ways vs what he normally had to do in the enclave is v important to me

he doesnt exalt his wildernessness at 10 am every day but he does pour an extra cup of coffee or booze or what have you and sets it next to his makeshift altar each morning

he prays to him when he can but sometimes its not just praises, sometimes he just talks about his day so far and complains about x or y and maybe he asks pan what kind of fruit or veggie he wants as an offering because hes going planetside to go grocery shopping and figured he should pick something up

merle rearranges the plants in his room and offhandedly asks if the bonzai should be by the lemon bush, sometimes he gets nothing, sometimes a leaf falls off the lemon and he complains that that tells him jack shit, and /then/ he feels a tremor in his wood arm and grumbles fine, fine, ill move it by the lillies. when hes done hes surprised because hey, that actually looks nice, and decides to leave an extra offering as thanks

merle has the entirety of a normal pan service memorized both from the clergys pov and the priests but when prompted to give a service or recite parts of it is more likely to give ad-libbed versions of holy verses and make jokes. if given a pan flute and told to play he COULD play one of the ten repeating but very pretty melodies he heard in church for 50+ years… or he could move to the highest-pitched note and blow so hard everyones ears burst. pan blessed him as he did it bc he laughed so hard he fell out of his holy throne

theoppositeofprofound:

Beach Year: Lup, Magnus, Barry, and Taako played beach volleyball with the Light of Creation for a solid twenty minutes before Davenport came and broke it up. He was very upset with all of them. That’s the power to shape worlds! You can’t just let Lup serve it into people’s faces! Lucretia, why did you just sit and watch this happen? 

(Lucretia whispered “Because I’m not a goddamn narc,” and Taako giggled so hard he almost got honest to goodness grounded. Davenport carried the Light of Creation around in a baby sling for the next week.)