john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be
Talking shit about your spouse is a sign of affection.
No. No it’s not. What kind of dystopian world do you live in?
straight culture should be commissioning Renaissance styled biblical paintings of your french bulldog not talking about how marriage is a prison
There’s a difference between “playfully teasing your spouse” in a way that could be construed as ‘talking shit’ and “talking about how marriage is a prison and you hate your wife and she’s a bitch.”
@dadhoc and I tease the fuck out of each other, but it is done with love and respect.
^
We “talk shit” about each other but its always in jest and never in a “I hate you this marriage is a ball and chain” kind of way. A lot of people seem to not know the difference and a lot of people also feel that we cross lines with each other.
More than once we’ve said something in utter jest that another person has commented about how they would be in trouble if they said that. We are just very secure with each other I guess and know its never mean in malicious way.
“God you fucking asshole!” is something I yell at least once a day at ETD as he cackles his ass off because he just did something a fucking asshole would do. In turn I give him plenty of reasons to put his hand over his eyes and mutter about being married to me.
It is absolutely meant in fun and jest and that is well established between us. It was actually something we had a conversation about when we started dating, in order to establish boundaries because I had been in relationships with abusers before and I needed that open communication. And if we ever do cross the line, we tell each other immediately, apologize like grown-ups, and assure the other we were only kidding and talk about why it bothered us so we can understand where the pain is coming from so that we don’t do it by accident either. And, here is the important part: we never do that shit again.
I used to have an ex who would obliterate my self esteem on a regular basis, and he’d often say he was “just kidding” to get out of acknowledging the fact that he was hurting me. Me not laughing at him “kidding around” was framed as being my fault for being “no fun” and it was confirmed by everyone around us that that was just the way things are. “Men are like that,” my mother would say, and shrug from behind the veil of 40 years of marriage in a way that honestly makes my heart hurt to think about, now knowing what a loving marriage can actually be like. And she’s terrified of the relationship I have with ETD. She thinks it’s fake, too good to last, that no man can tolerate being talked back to like that, like I’m treading on thin ice every time I tell him to lovingly go fuck himself when he’s being a pain in the ass and I want some quiet time.
And my ex was the exact type of fuckstick who says things like “ugh marriage, amarite? do a murder and you get out in 20 years, marriage you could still be there in 40” and mean it. He genuinely viewed his relationship to me as being “shackled to me”. But he was still fucking pissed when I left him. Not because he loved me, but because he liked the status he had that came with not being single.
By contrast ETD is my absolute best friend in the world, and he affirms that back multiple times a day in small little ways, whether it’s randomly reaching for me just to be close, appearing out of nowhere to say hi, or actively leaning into my space like the dramatic fuck he is and saying “you are my favorite person in the whole world, I love you”, and then in the very same moment, might pull my hoodie over my eyes and hop away cackling.
But the thing is, if I say to ETD “hey, that actually hurt my feelings” he will stop. And we will talk about it in an open and effective way that enables the line between teasing and hurtful to be well defined within the boundaries of our relationship.
Because there’s teasing your spouse and giving them shit, and then there’s ridiculing them to feel better about yourself. I’ve lived with both. The two are not the same. Not by a long shot.
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