if you don’t experience same gender attraction & you’re cis i want you to think long & hard about why you feel like you belong in the lgbt community & what you can get from that community that you can’t get somewhere else.
To be fair, I am not cis, but here are some things I have gotten from the ace/aro community/the lgbtqia+ community in general (things that helped me specifically because I am aroace):
Acceptance as someone who differs from the ideas society has of “everyone must have heterosexual sexual and romantic attraction”
Knowledge that I am not broken for the lack of heterosexual attraction I experience
Knowledge that I am not alone in this specific experience of being queer
Knowledge that if I do not want to, I do not have to force myself into having a heterosexual/heteroromantic relationship
The courage to not hide who I am as an asexual and aromantic person (I’m out to quite a lot of people now, and many of those people have accepted me!)
The information I needed to come out to my family and friends so they could understand who I am
Friends who are like me- so, concrete evidence that I am not the only one who is queer, or queer in this particular way
The reason I believe that asexual and aromantic people, regardless of gender and other orientations, belong in the lgbtqia+ community is this: aromantic people do not experience heteroromantic attraction, and asexual people do not experience heterosexual attraction.
you think that people who are cis & do not experience same gender attraction belong in a community built to combat homophobia & transphobia so they feel they belong? you believe these people, that benefit from this oppression, belong in a community with people oppressed by the very thing that privileges these people? you believe that cis non sga people can use a slur aimed at non cis sga people? what do you think the lgbt community was founded? why do you think the community is so important to people? it isn’t some fun little club where we all fucking circle jerk about how valid we all are
1. yes? I think we disagree on what exactly this community is built to combat, though. “Homophobia and transphobia” is a definition that misses a few things: there are bisexual people, for example, who are targeted by biphobia. And then, of course, asexual and aromantic people are targeted by aphobia. All of those prejudices happen because of society’s narrow-minded idea of gender and sexuality and romantic orientation. I think that everyone affected by that narrow-minded idea should get to feel like they belong, not just the Ones Who Experience Homophobia And Transphobia, Specifically.
2. Yes. Do you believe that cisgender people, who benefit from the oppression of cissexism, belong in a community with non-cisgender people, who are oppressed by the very thing that privileges those cisgender people? It sounds like your answer to that question is also yes.
3. Yes. The way you phrased that makes it sound like that slur is only aimed at non cis sga people, by the way, which is incorrect.
4. I’m not entirely sure what you meant with this one, so please correct me if I misinterpret it. I think you either meant “what do you think the lgbt community was founded on” or “why do you think the lgbt community was founded”- I think it was founded so that people oppressed by society’s aforementioned narrow-minded idea of gender and sexuality and romantic orientation could fight that idea, and fight for that oppression to stop. I think it is founded on love, probably, and inclusion?
5. Because without it, we are alone in a world that believes we deserve to die and be correctively raped and beaten and forced into conversion therapy for who we are. Because without it, we can only assume that we are broken.
6. That’s a… vivid metaphor, there, thank you. I am fairly certain I did not say that. I assure you that I understand that being oppressed is not fun. We’re here because we’re hurt by society and need to group together. I wish people were kinder to the other groups under the lgbtqia+ umbrella with them. We kind of have to fight for even basic decency from the rest of the world.
biphobia is homophobia it’s just a specific type
you can have an Asexual community to support these issues but there’s no evidence that asexuals experience rape at higher rate than non asexuals
again this is fine if you make your own damn community it’s not decency to let anyone in by this logic women’s groups are awful bc they don’t make room for men of colour (who definitely need the support but aren’t a part of that specific group and can AND DO have their own spaces)
1. I’m fairly certain that’s biphobic, saying that? Though I’m not bi, so of course I could be wrong. (I’m thinking of that misconception that bi people are more likely to cheat because of having a larger pool of people to be attracted to. Doesn’t sound like homophobia of a different kind to me.)
2. No, that’s not correct, actually, sorry.
3. We… literally have made our own community. You are mocking us and hurting us. You are trying to push us away from allying with the larger community. We already have our own community. We support each other, you mock us. Trust me, it’s not fun being on the receiving side.
Yes, it’s biphobic af. Biphobia isn’t masked homophobia or homophobia Light. It does share some characteristics with homophobia, but that’s it.
This is why I prefer the Queer community over the LGBT one. Like, some of you believe that the community revolves around you. I’m sorry that I have to let you know, but it fucking doesn’t.
Also, if you don’t experience SGA and are cis? Hmm yes, okay buddy. Non binary people exist, so talking about SGA is shit anyways. Plus, it reinforces the idea that multisexual people are valid and belong “more” to the community if they are in same gender relationships or if they are attracted more to same gender people. Which is biphobic, panphobic, plyphobic etc and where all the “bihet” discourse is coming from. But none of you really cares, because all you want to do is fucking gatekeep and act like an exclusive club.
I’m heading to pride as I’m writing this and it makes me so happy to see that outside the internet our community isn’t as selfish and entitled as all of you.
Oh, and asexual and aromantic people belong here, die mad about it 🙂
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