I don’t think this is a universal experience but national coming out day has me down in the dumps. I came out as trans like a year and a half ago, started hormones a few months after but then stopped after several months. Testosterone was proving super difficult to get hold of, they didn’t have any in for 2 months at one point and having to try book more doctors appointments and check the pharmacy regularly was messing with my anxiety and I eventually gave up. The irregular hormones were messing with my body and moods as well and it ended up feeling like a losing battle. And to go privately to switch to shots is £300 to see the gp. Now I’m basically fully detransitioned simply due to my fear of transitioning and being trans. I’d give anything to be cis and comfortable as a woman but I’m dysphoric and suffering every day even if I feel safer appearing cis. I’m terrified to seek out hormones again and continue my transition because of transphobia. I feel really stuck and I have no one to relate to. Everyone else seems to go on these super positive and fast transitions and then there’s me… scared and nervous to even call myself trans. I just.. Maybe this will all seem silly in several years if I can finally fully transition and enjoy life as a guy. I wonder what future me could say to me right now that could help. I guess whoever that person is I hope he’s happier with himself in the future and is proud that I made it through these difficult times.
I don’t know if you identify as somewhere nonbinaryish or as totally male but i’m nonbinary and the hard enthusiam for strong and immediate transition is incredibly draining and discouraging. I have a really hard time with that and feeling like my identity isn’t valid enough cause I look like this kinda queer cis woman and it sucks and it’s hard to keep that security in yourself when it doesn’t match up with what the community pushes for. So I basically just wanted to say that you’re not alone and that I support you with your struggle and fear about these things
As someone who is managing to get the T and the shots for relatively cheap (thank you community hospital center) i wanted to see changes immediately. I’m lucky in the fact that I have the access I need but I’m at this point of I want all the changes now and its… its really upsetting!
I can relate to how you feel even if the circumstances aren’t the same.
I know who I am even if no one else does and I know, like you, that it would have been safer to continue to present and pretend as the changes happened but I didn’t >.<
One of my friends, also a transguy, told me the first year on T is always the hardest… and i think you’ll be able to get back on the T when you can. And i think you should. When you can get back on it don’t do like i did. Don’t immediately jump the gun and change everything over immediately. Be safe until you can be yourself. That’s all any of us ever can do, right?
thisacelovesheadcanons 